


only in my dreams

by melanoradrood



Series: Universes Made Just For You And I [15]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Ficlet Collection, NSFW, Pre-Relationship, Smangst, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-06-24 14:25:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15632517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melanoradrood/pseuds/melanoradrood
Summary: Cassian can only touch her in his dreams, so he tries to enjoy it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TinCanTelephone](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TinCanTelephone/gifts).



> AU: Canon Compliant Post Scarif SMUT  
> Word Count: 2346  
> Rating: Explicit  
> Warnings: It's Porn  
> Prompt: Sex Dream + Pining by cats-and-metersticks

Cassian knows this is a dream immediately, knows that everything about this is a karking dream, because there’s no way in the real world that Jyn Erso would be looking at him like this. There’s fire in her eyes, a smirk on her lips, and when her nails scratch down his chest, drawing a groan from him, she  _ laughs _ . She laughs like she enjoys the noises, like she wants to drag every last one of them out of him, and he’s ready to give them to her.

They don’t kiss, because even in his wildest dreams, Cassian can’t imagine getting to kiss Jyn, can’t imagine what it might be like to taste her lips, but he does dream of meeting her approval, of doing it all right, of being so good at pleasing her, being so good  _ for _ her, that she lets him have his pleasure as well.

“You’re going to do as I say, right Cassian?” asks Dream Jyn, and he groans, nodding as her thumb runs over his body lip.

“Yes, yes, I’ll do whatever you want,” Cassian promises, and he means it, means it for all time, day or night. He groans again when her fingers pinch his nipple, and he looks down to see that he’s wearing just his leather jacket and his normal work pants… nothing else.

Definitely a dream, because it’s highly impractical, but he thinks she likes this jacket, thinks she likes the way that the lighter tan pants fit on him, because she looks sometimes. She looks, or at least he hopes she looks, because the pants no longer fit him since he came out from being undercover and he has started eating regular meals again, but he wears them anyways.

“What if I wanted to ride your face?” Dream Jyn asks, and he’s so fucking hard already, bucks up his hips against her, and yes yes yes he wants that.

“Then my face is your seat,” he promises, and he groans as her nails drag down his chest again, leaving little red marks, sparks practically swirling off his skin from her touch.

“What if I wanted to use your cock to get me off?” she hums, and he groans as her body shifts lower, hips rocking over his length, and he hates this, loves this, just wants to be buried inside of her. 

“Anything you want,” he promises, and it shifts suddenly, his clothes are gone, so are hers, and she’s hovering over him, straddling his lap, and he can feel her  _ dripping _ onto him.

He’s in hell, because when he goes to touch her, to grab her hips, to pull her onto him, he realizes that his hands are tied on either side of his head to a headboard that doesn’t even exist on his real bed, and she’s using the scarf he gave her to wear on Jedha.

Fucking fuck why do all of his fantasies have to be so cruel?

“Let me touch you,” he begs, and he wants to, he really does, but he also loves Jyn using him, and he imagines she would want him to beg for it before she gave in to him.

“You said anything I wanted,” she teases, and Cassian groans, his head falling back against the wall, because isn’t it just like him to not allow himself what he wants in his dreams.

“Use me then, please,” he begs, and Dream Jyn grins at him, grins as she looks down at their bodies, where he’s hard against his stomach, and she’s starting to grind herself. He can’t look away, can feel her slit parting over his cock, and her breath hitches as her clit catches on the head, and he - fuck, why is he so cruel to himself in his dreams?

“Don’t worry,” she promises, and her fingers run over his cheek, making him tilt his head back to look at her. “I’m going to use you.”

Everything shifts again, and now, Dream Jyn is riding his cock, and he’s so karking hard, it’s verging on painful. He doesn’t know how he hasn’t blown yet, hasn’t lost all control, but it’s like she won’t let him, or this dream won’t.

His hands are still tied, but they’re tied together now, tied behind his head, and Jyn is laughing, her face free, eyes rolling back in her head.

She’s using him, literally using him as she rides him, her hips rocking back and forth, and he’s pretty sure he has never seen something so beautiful in his life.

It’s just a dream, but she looks just like he knows, when she’s passionate, angry, happy, full of life - he’s so karking in love with her, and he gets to just look now-

She’s just like he imagines, of course she is, her body strong, and he feels like he was made to please her, the way his legs bend to take her, how she rocks back and slides her fingers against her clit, and he wants to kiss her, just wants to kiss her.

Cassian Andor would die a happy man if he just got to kiss her, to taste that passion, to taste that fire on his lips.

“God, you’re so karking beautiful,” he chokes out, and she is, she’s so beautiful, and he can’t stands it, pulls at the scarf again, and he just… he just wants to touch her.

Force, is he so unworthy, that he can’t even touch her in his dreams?

“Yes, yes, yes,” she gasps, her head falling backwards as she cums around him. He can do nothing but groan, his cock throbbing inside of her, and she’s tightening around him, making him want to weep. 

When she falls forward onto him, her body shaking, he wants to touch her again but can’t - he still can’t touch, and it’s so karking unfair. Now he just wants to hold her, to comfort her, and he can’t even do that.

“Let me hold you,” he begs, but she shakes her head, sitting upright, breathing hard.

“So good for me,” she breathes out, and he feels her kissing against his neck. His head falls to the side, giving her moves, and he almost weeps as she rocks her hips again, his cock begging for release. “Such a pretty boy.”

He is, he’s a pretty boy, or at least he hopes he is to her, hopes that she finds him even mildly attractive, but he doesn’t know…

“Am I?” he asks, and she nods, smiling as her fingers run over his jaw.

“Next time, I’m riding your tongue,” Dream Jyn says, and he wants that, just wants to please her so badly.

“Anything for you,” he swears. He’s with her, all the way, no matter what.

Her hips rock again and he wants to cry, wants to be good enough, wants… he wants to cum.

“Can I cum?” He’s practically begging with his words, wants to cry as she rocks her hips again, and he-

“Where do you want to cum?” she asks, and he groans, because he knows what he wants, but he isn’t worthy.

“Anywhere, please, let me-”

“Where do you want to cum?” Dream Jyn demands to know, and he chokes on his words.

“In you, please. Let me… Let me be good enough.”

“Shhh…” Her fingers are running over his temple, and his hands are unbound, free, and he moves them to her hands immediately - he won’t touch her, he doesn’t get to touch her, even when he has a choice. “You may cum, Cassian. Cum in me. Can you do that?”

Her hands cover his, and she moves them to her hips, and he wraps his fingers around her. He gets to hold onto her, does he deserve that? Is he allowed to?

She’s leaning into him, leaning forward, and he realizes, in shock, that she’s going to kiss him.

_ She’s going to kiss him _ .

He can’t breathe, can’t even think as she presses her lips to his, and he - 

He cums so hard his eyes roll back in his skull, and then he’s sitting up hard, his cock untouched and pulsing, his cum shot out all over his stomach. He knew it was a dream, had known all along it wasn’t real, but he had pushed it too hard, believing he could kiss her.

Karking hell…

He spends the rest of the night, after cleaning himself up, tossing and turning. He can’t sleep, can’t get the memory of her out of his head… The real memories, the way she looks at him across the hanger, how she smiles at him in the mess hall, how they drift around each other, and she’s just caught in his orbit…

He can’t sleep because he’s so karking in love with her, and he’ll never be worthy of that.

When Cassian finally emerges from his room the next morning, he knows he looks like hell. He didn’t shave, not that he shaves everyday, but his beard is growing a little long, particularly since he has to leave the next day on a mission. When he gets back in a week, Jyn will be gone as well, for a month, at least. This is the last morning they’ll have together for some time.

Reaching the mess, he only has a cup of caff, can’t stomach anything more.

They can’t keep up like this, only seeing each other for a few days at a time before one or both are gone for days, weeks, months…

He can’t keep up like this, not knowing where in the galaxy she is, not knowing if she’s safe.

Maybe, if he just talked to her, this wouldn’t be a problem… but he would rather just be caught in her orbit, unable to ever escape, rather than be expelled from it all together.

“You look like karking hell,” Jyn says as she sits down across from him, and he doesn’t give a response, just takes another sip of his caff before he looks up. His eyes are heavy, his shoulders shrugged, and he knows how he looks - haunted, like he hasn’t slept.

He meets the eyes that haunt him in his dreams, but they have the same look as his… like she hasn’t slept a week either.

“Aren’t you supposed to be resting before your next mission?” he asks, and she rolls her eyes, just raises her own cup to her lips. 

It takes a few more swallows before either of them seem able to stomach any real conversation.

“I can’t sleep,” she finally says, and her words feel careful… too careful.

Cassian eyes her over his cup of caff before he sets it down, leaning forward. “Have you been dreaming about… about Scarif?”

They never talk about it, never talk about any of it, of the lives lost, of the lives they saved, of what they said, what they did, what it cost, what they… they never talk about it, but he knows that it still plagues both their nightmares.

“No,” she says, and there’s a smile on her lips like it’s the exact opposite of Scarif. His head tilts to the side, and he sees it, a blush… she’s blushing.

Jyn Erso is blushing.

“Then what keeps you awake?” he asks, and he watches it, watches for the signs, uses every bit of training he has - her breath has caught, her pulse is raising, the vein on the side of her neck shifts, and she’s… she’s embarrassed.

“I guess I just don’t like my bed on base very much,” she says finally, and he… he doesn’t get it.

“Have you thought about trying another bed?” he finally offers, and the look she is giving him says she has been waiting for him to respond, for him to get it, but he… he’s not following.

There’s an exceptionally long silence, and he……… It’s not clicking. He doesn’t get it, and he karking hates it.

“Yes,” she finally says, and her eyes are boring into his. “Yes, I keep thinking about another bed.”

He doesn’t move, doesn’t breathe, and he considers… considers what other bed she might want. She hadn’t even had a real bed until she got to the Rebellion, has never really slept on anything more than a cot, but…

He thinks about her in his bed.

“You could always try my bed while I’m away,” he finally says, and he forces himself to close his eyes as he looks down at his caf. He thinks about her in his bed, her rolling around in his sheets, her scent on them when he returns. “I’ll be gone for a week.”

It’s the softest sound in the world when she finally replies, and he wishes he had been looking up, wishes he had… had seen her reaction.

“ _ Maybe I’ll be there when you get back _ .”

Jyn has left the mess before Cassian can form a response, and he’s still sitting there when Kes Dameron sits down across from him, a bantha-shit eating grin on his face. Cassian almost goes to leave, except- Except something tells him to stay.

“So, Andor, doesn’t sound like a good thing to me that a spook talks in his sleep.”

He’s ready to throw a comment out about how Pathfinders are complete idiots and should know better than to speak on things outside of their rank, is already half standing to walk away, when he freezes.

Talking in his sleep?

“What-”

“So me and Erso couldn’t sleep last night, which is normal, cause we’re not used to these soft beds y’all have out here in the fancy land of officers and all that, when we’re walking down this hallway, and what do we hear? Well, some fool is gasping her name. It was real interesting when we realized what room number it was.”

Cassian drops his cup of caff right there on the floor, then looks up towards the door that Jyn just disappeared through.

“Oh yeah. She had just about the same look on her face. Better run, boy. She’s gonna give you the chase.”

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AU: Canon Compliant Post Scarif SMUT  
> Word Count: 2242  
> Rating: Explicit  
> Warnings: It's Porn  
> Follow Up Request : Come on what happens next!!!

Jyn has a hard time sleeping on base, and an even worse time when Kes is being insufferable.

“I just can’t sleep knowing she’s up there,” he complains, and Jyn tries to resist hitting the man, but she kind of gets it… Jyn struggles to sleep as well when Cassian is off base, knowing he’s on a mission. She can’t judge Kes for being worried about his wife. She feels the same way about a man that… that Force, she wishes he was her anything. She has no claim to him, no right to feel this way… 

She gets it, which is why they jog around the base, trying to work off pent up energy, a side effect of constantly being in the fight, constantly being on the go, and then suddenly having to hit the breaks once they’re back on base, waiting for their next mission.

“Shut up and keep going,” Jyn insists, and she races ahead for half a second, her hand tapping the edge of one of the walls as she darts forward. It’s not really a race, but Kes will try to keep up, which will silence him. 

She’s a few doors ahead, when she realizes he has stopped. Turning around, Jyn heads back towards him, brow raised as she realizes he’s paused, looking at a door. “What-”

“Shh!” he insists, and Jyn… 

She hears it, suddenly, a groan, a gasp, and Jyn isn’t even sure what hall they’re on, so this might even be the married quarters, but then she hears it-

_ Jyn _ .

Whoever is in there is moaning her name, and she looks at the door number, looks at it hard, trying to make sure she isn’t imagining the numbers written there, but no, she knows who room this is. She knows exactly who’s room this is, and that’s definitely… that’s definitely her karking name.

Kes is looking at her with a grin, and she - 

“Say Erso, who’s room is that?” he asks with a tease.

She knows he karking knows exactly who’s room it is - which is why she turns and starts running. They get a few doors down before she can feel him catching up.

“Hey, wait up,” he calls, grabbing at her arm. She’s faster than him, though, and jerks away, then pushes forward more. “Come on, we gotta talk about this.”

“Kark you, Dameron,” she hisses at him, and if Jyn makes sure she outruns him the rest of the night… well, no one can blame her.

 

* * *

 

She can barely look at him the next day, and when she sees Kes approaching in the mess hall, Jyn makes a mad dash to disappear across base. She can’t face him right now, not with her face bright red, but in the darkness of night… well, he had offered to let her try out his bed.

She thinks tonight might be a good time to do it.

 

* * *

 

Cassian has been trying to catch her all day, which just settles Jyn’s resolve. She’ll be in his room, and when he shows up… well, she plans on being on his bed, naked. He had clearly been dreaming about her, had been chasing her all day, and she’s… too unsure of herself to be sure she can say the right things.

Laying naked in his bed, though? It sounds like exactly the right thing.

She arrives just after dinner, and she hadn’t seen Cassian there, but she waits… and she waits… and she waits.

She waits so long, she ends up pulling on his shirt to stay warm, and when it reaches midnight, it hits her to start looking around… his pack is gone. So is his favorite parka. After getting dressed, she goes in search of Shara, knowing she had been in the hanger, and she confirms it - Cassian had left.

He had been chasing her around base, probably to tell her he was leaving a day early. Now… now, she’s left with nothing but regret. She tried to play coy, and now, she would have to wait until he returned… and she returned…

Jyn ends up sleeping in his bed that night, or at least trying to, and it smells like him, but it isn’t enough. It isn’t enough, because it’s not about the bed, it’s about who’s supposed to be in it. She spends the next night in it as well, tossing and turning, and when she gets her orders the next day to ship out… 

She leaves a note beside the bed, promising that she’ll be back to sleep in it as soon as she returns.

It’s a long two weeks, but there’s a bed waiting for her when she gets back, with a man in it that she can’t wait to sleep beside… and then some.

 

* * *

 

“You’re back,” she gasps.

He isn’t, he isn’t really. This is a dream, and she knows that, can recognize that Cassian isn’t really back, because in her dream, Cassian doesn’t look like bantha shit, and his eyes are wide open rather than half asleep, and he is wearing the jacket that had been left behind. 

She had left base, had come back, and the note beside the bed she had left, the one promising that she’ll be back in his bed soon, it’s gone and replaced with another. On this one, it promises that there’s always space for her in his bed.

He’s gone, though, gone on another mission, and she…

She dreams of him. No one can judge her for that.

In her dream, Cassian kicks the door shut, and he strides forward, pulling her out of the bed by her hand. Her body immediately comes up like she has the weight of a feather, and she knows that his back isn’t that strong anymore, not since Scarif, but she won’t complain what her fantasies have for her.

“I’ll always come back,” he insists, and her back hits a wall that wasn’t there before, that shouldn’t exist, given that she hasn’t moved from standing beside the bed. Still, she goes with it as his body presses against hers, and his mouth moves against her throat, pressing open mouthed kisses.

She had gone to sleep wearing his shirt, but now she’s naked, and he’s still fully clothed, wearing that stupid jacket that she loves so much, has been wearing around base without him. His fingers run up and down her thighs, up her hips, back down over the swell of her ass, and she gasps as he sinks his teeth into her shoulder, sucking a mark there underneath his teeth.

“I need you,” she gasps, and his fingers are at her clit, rubbing her towards an orgasm. “I need you, Force, Cassian please, I need-”

“I’ve got you,” he insists, and he has more hands in this dream than he does in reality, because she can feel hands on her waists, holding her up, in her hair, forcing her chin up and her throat exposed, and he’s still rubbing at her cunt, fingers curling inside of her. “I’ve got you, Jyn, just let go.”

The orgasm hits her hard, and Jyn sits up in the bed, gasping for air, a shockwave of pleasure still coursing over her. Her breath is coming in hard, and there’s a cold sweat on her skin, making his shirt stick to her body. She runs her hand into her hair, pushing it back from her face, and she tries to ignore the dull ache on her shoulder, where she swears she can feel his mouth still.

It wasn’t real, but Force, she wishes it was. She needs it to be real.

When she leaves on her next mission, the note left beside the bed tells him that she needs him, needs him to be there when she gets back.

Three days later, all that’s left is an apology… and the paper is still wet from what she thinks might be a tear.

 

* * *

 

Jyn is in the fresher, shaving her legs, when she hears the door open. She has only been back on base for two hours, and her note, the one that she had left for him, had been untouched. She was back before him this time, which gave her hope… 

A hope that is ruined when she remembers that her hair is wrapped in a towel, there’s still dirt under her fingernails, and she has one leg propped up on the edge of the sink, straight razor in her hand. She manages to cut herself just before she turns and looks out the open door, and there stands Cassian, frozen, pack on his back.

She’s naked, in his fresher. Right.

“Welcome back?” she says, and there’s no way this is a dream, because this was  _ not _ the welcome home she had planned.

“How long have you been here?” he asks, and his pack hits the ground, hard. He must be exhausted.

“Two hours?” she says, sounding more like a question. “And we’ll be back at least two weeks. Half our squadron picked up some sort of virus.”

He nods, and swallows, and yes, he’s looking at the side of her body, her breasts hidden from view by her arm, but her backside is exposed to him, and she… this is not what she imagined.

“I’m… I requested a few days off, so…”

They’re both quiet, and then Jyn looks down at her leg, at the blood dripping down it. She blinks, then looks back at Cassian.

“Look… can I finish… this?”

“Yeah, yeah,” he says with a nod, and he turns away, looking into his pack. “I can find another fresher, and when I get back, we can talk, or sleep, or-”

“Yeah.”

Yeah, they can talk… they can talk while she lays in bed only wearing his shirt and they’re both freshly showered.

The door shuts behind him, and Jyn has to take a few seconds to remember to breathe.

She finishes shaving, scrubbing her nails, and drying her hair, all in under ten minutes. Her body smells nice, like the lotion she had been given by Leia, and her hair is flowing down her back, long enough that it needs a trim, but at this length, very few strands of it escapes her bun. She sits on his bed, wearing his shirt, and she waits.

When he stumbles back in, he looks even more exhausted, but his beard is trimmed, his hair is still wet, and he’s wearing clean clothes. She smiles at him, and he smiles back, then takes a few steps closer towards the bed. She can see how tired he is in the way he slumps forward, and when he sits down onto the edge of the bed to kick off his boots, he looks to be swaying.

She says nothing as his boots hit the floor, and he shrugs out of his jacket, then turns to her.

She opens her mouth to say something, but then he yawns, and that… that decides it for her.

“Come on, we should get some sleep,” she murmurs, and he nods, taking in breath, and then his eyes open, wide.

“You’re really here,” he says suddenly, and she nods, smiling at him.

“Yeah. I’m really here this time.”

He reaches out, touching her cheek, and her eyes close, cleaning into his touch. He’s really here, really really here, and she’s here, and this is… it’s not what she imagined, but she doesn’t mind. She missed him too much to care about it now.

“Jyn, I have to tell you-”

“Shhh,” she insists, and her eyes open as she presses her lips to his palm. “Cassian… I’m in your bed wearing only your shirt… and nothing else.”

She smiles tentatively at that, and his eyes open a little wider… and then he yawns again. Yeah, they can’t do this tonight.

“In the morning… you can tell me everything you want,” she promises. Her lips press to his wrist, now, and then Cassian - he ducks down, pressing his lips to hers. It’s the softest kiss she has ever felt, softer than anything she can even imagine, and then their foreheads are pressing together.

“You’ll be here when I wake up?” he asks, and she smiles.

“Literally, if I get dragged out of this bed, I’ll wake you up first.”

He nods, and then presses a kiss to her cheek. His eyes are closed, and Jyn runs her hand up into his hair, nails scratching gently at his scalp. He seems to melt into her touch, and she knows she’s making the right decision. She can wait until the morning. She can happily wait until the morning.

“Come on. One more night of dreaming before you get the real thing.”

There’s a smirk on his lips, although his eyes don’t open, and then he shifts up higher onto the bed. His eyes finally do crack enough as he kicks off his pants, leaving him in his boxers and tshirt, and he falls onto the bed beside her, pulling her with him.

“As if you didn’t dream of me in this bed,” he teases.

Jyn laughs, her cheeks coloring slightly, but the lights are dim, so she doubts he can see.

“I’ll tell you all about my fantasies when we wake up,” she says, and Cassian…

Well, they might be tired, but there’s definitely a part of him that is wide awake.

In the morning. They can continue this in the morning.


End file.
